大学英语口语对话 实用英语

今天小编为大家准备了大学英语口语对话，希望对大家有所帮助，接下来跟小编一起来看一下吧。

IsRomanticLovetheMostimportantConditionforMarriage?

Text

Choosinga

Ifyouareyoungandunmarried,youmusthaveinyourmindtheimageofanidealhuandorwife.Mostyoungpeopleliketoindulgeinfantasies,andyourimagemayta.ketheformofacertainfamousfilmstarorpopsinger.Butifyouareofapracticalturnofmind;your"ideal"wouldbemoredowntoearth,andyour"image"wouldbemodelledafterwhatyouseearoundyou.Thoughimagesdonotalwayscoincidewithrealities(forafterall,anidealisanideal),itisneverthelessaninterestingsubjectforstudy,forittellsuswhattheyoungpeopleexpectfromthepresentsociety.

Dr.LiYinheoftheSociologicalInstituteofBeijingUniversityhasmadeastudyofacertainamountofmatrimonialadvertisements,andhefoundthatthepresentgenerationofChinaputgreatemphasison,inorderofimportance,(1)age,(2)height,(3)educationasthethreemostimportantstandardsinchoosingaspouse.Nextcomes(4)characterand,(5)profession,(6)statusandpersonalhistory,(7)appearanceand(8)health.

SuchorderofemphasisispeculiarlyChinese.Otherconditionssuchasreligion,raceandlove,soimportanttopeopleofothernationsarecompletelymissinginDr.Li,slist.ManyforeignscholarsarealsointerestedintheChineseideaofanidealspouseandtheyjustcan'tunderstandwhytheChinesemenespeciallysetsomuchstoreby"age"whentheychooseaspouse.Amanofoverfortywouldwantawomanunderthirtyandamanofthirtywouldwanthisfuturespousetobeundertwenty-five.Onepossibleexplanationisthatyouthisalmostsynonymouswithbeauty.Atleastthetwowordsyoungandbeautifulalwaysgotogether.TheChinesepeoplehavenotyetdiscoveredmaturebeauty.

HeightdefinitelyisuniquelyChineseinplayingsuchanimportantrolewhenpeoplechooseaspouse.Tobeamanhastobeatleast1.70m.inheight.Itissaidthattoachoosygirl,anymanunder1.70m.isconsideredasemiinvalid!Sofarnoonehasofferedasatisfactoryexplanationtosuchastrangephenomenon.

Astothethirdimportantcondition,thatofeducationallevel,peoplefinditapuzzletoo,becauseinpresentdayChinaeducationdoesn'tgiveyouhighsocialstatus,nordoesitbringyougoodpay.Yetbothsexessetagreatstorebyit.Thethingtonoticeisthatamanwithauniversityeducationiscontenttohaveawifewithseniormiddleschooleducationwhileawomanwithauniversityeducationwouldneverconsideramanwithonlyaseniormiddleschooleducation:Herhuandhastobeatleastauniversitygraduatetoo,preferablysomeonewithapost-graduatedegree.

Whatconclusioncancanwedrawfromallthis?Ithinkthatinseekingahuandorwife,weChinesehavenotyetfreedourselvesfromourtraditionofarrangedmarriages.Insteadofhavingourmarriagesarrangedbyourparents,wenowarrangeourownmarriages.Intheolddaysstresswasputonequalsocialandeconomicstatusofthetwofamilies,whichwasconsideredaconditionofagoodmatch.

Nowlovemarriagesboil4downtomoreorlessthesamething,exceptthatstressisnolongerplacedontheconditionofthetwofamilies,butonthetwoindividualsthemselves.Andconditionsvarywiththetrendofthetimes.NotsolongagoitwasPartymembershipthatwasallimportant.AgirlwhowasaPartymemberwouldnotbesatisfiedwithamanwhowasonlyaLeaguemember.HehadtobeatleastaPartymember,andpreferablyaPartymemberwitharesponsibleposition.

Inessencewearestillsellingourselvestothehighesthidder.Toputitanotherway:Wearestilltryingtogetthebestbargainwithwhatcapitaiwehave.Isitsomuchdifferentfromtheoldmercenarymarriage?

II.Read

Readthefollowingpassages.Underlinetheimportantviewpointswhilereading.

1.HuandandWifebyArrangement.

YoshioandHiromiTanakaareayoungJapanesecouplelivingintheUSAwhilehestudieselectricalengineering.Theyclearlyloveeachotherverydeeply,but,saysYoshio,"Wedidn'tmarryforloveintheWesternsense.Wegotmarriedinthetime-ItcanouredJapaneseway.Ourparentsarrangedourmarriagethroughamatchmaker.lnJapanwebelievethatmarriageissomethingthataffectsthewholefamily;notjusttbeyoungcoupleconcerned.

Sowethinkitisveryimportanttomatchpeopleaccordingtotheirsocialbackground,educationandsoon.Matchmakersareusuallywomenwhokeeplistsofsuitableyoungpeoplewithinformationabouttheirfamilies,educationandinterests.Whenourparentsthoughtitwastimeforustogetmarriedtheywenttoalocalmatchmakerandaskedherforsomesuggestions.Wediscussedthedetails.andlookedatthephotosesent,andthenourparentsaskedhertoarrangea'marriageinterview,forthetwoofus."

AJapanesemarriageinterviewisheldinapublicplace,suchasahotelorrestaurant,andisattendedbytheboyandthegirl,theirparentsandthematchmaker.Informationaboutthecoupleandtheirfamiliesisexchangedoveracupofteaorameal.Thentheboyandthegirlareleftaloneforashorttimetogettoknoweachother.Whentheyreturnhometheyhavetotellthematchmakerwhethertheywanttomeetagainornot.Ifbothofthemwantanothermeeting,thematchmakerarranges

it,andafterthattheycandecidewhethertocarryonthecoertshipthemselves.HereHiromisaidwithagentlesinile,"Notsolongago,thegirlcouldneverrcfusetogooutagainwithaboywholikedher,butnowshecan.IthoughtYoshiowasreallyrathernice,soIdidn'trefuse."

Yoshiocontinued:"Whenourparentsrealizedwewereseriousabouteachother,theystartedtomakearrangementsforourwedding.Myfamilypaidthe`Yuino'moneytoHiromi's.Thisismoneyohelp.payfortheweddingceremonyandforsettinguphouseafterwards.Wealsogaveherfamilyabeautifultoputinthebestroomoftheirhouse,soeveryoneknewthatHiromiwasgoingtomarry.Sixmonthsafterourfirstmeetingweweremarried.AtraditionalJapaneseweddingisawonderfulceremony,andourtraditionalcustomofarrangedmarriages

hasgivenmeawonderfulwife."

2.HuandandWifebyAirmail

"Youmustbemad,"hisfriendssaid,asthirty-year-oldJohnBriggsofHatfieldleftLondonAirporttoflytoBrazil.Johnwasgoinghalf-wayroundtheworldtomeetagirlhe'dneverseenbuthopedtomarry.Thetripwascostinghimthreemonths'pay-infacthe'dhadtoborrowfromhisfatherandanaunttobuyhisticket-andhehadnoideawhethertheprettydark-hairedgirlheonlyknewfromphotographsandletterswouldevenlikehim."I'dhadagoodlifeasabachelor,"saysJohn,fouryearslater,hisarmroundhiswifeandtheirtwolovelychildren,"butIfeltsomethingwasmissing.Ihadagoodjob,myownhouseandplentyoffriends.

I'dhadplentyofgirlfriendstoo,butsomehownooneeverseemedquitetherightgirlforme.ThenonedayIwaslookingthroughamagazineduringmylunchhourwhenaphotographofaprettygirlcaughtmyeye.ItwaspartofanadvertisementforaWorldPenfriendsCircle.Itowriteofftothemimmediately.Allmyfriendshadagoodlaugh,Iremember."

Johnreceivedthenamesoffourgirls,two.fromJapan,onefromFinland,andonefromBrazil,andwrotetoallofthem,enclosingaphotographofhimself,ThelasttoreplywasMariafromBrazil,butitwasMariawhocametotakefirstplaceinJohn'sheart.Theywrotetoeachotherforayear,MariainandJohninEnglish-allthelettershadtobetranslated-andthenoneofMaria'sunclescametoFnglandonabusinesstrip.MariahadaskedhimtoarrangeameetingwithJohnandreportbacktoBrazilonwhatherEnglishpenfriendwasreallylike.TheunclesaidthatJohnwas"afatlittlefellowwithoutmuchhair",buthemust.havesaidsomenicerthingstoo,forMaria'sparentswrotetoJohnhimtovisittheirfamily.Johnrepliedsayinghe'dloveto.

Apracticalman,Johnstartedtogetorganized.AssoonashehadthemoneyforhisairtickethewrotetoMariaaskingherwhatherviewsongettingmarriedwere.Healsosentanengagementring,andaValentinecardeveryday!Mariawrotebacktosaytheycoulddecidewhethertogetmarriedornotoncetheymet-butshestartedmakingaweddingdressofbeautifulwhitesilk,justincase...

ThedayJohnwasduetoarriveMariawaitedanxiouslyattheairport.Supposeh?didn'tlikeher?Butwhenhisplanecameinshedidn't.evenrecognizehimlHerunclehadtopointhimout."Hewasthemanwiththenicestsmiie,"saysMaria,"andhewasjusttherightheightforme!"Theybothrealizedimmediatelythattheywerejustrightforeachotherinlotsofoth.crwaystoo.TendayslatertheyweremarriedandMariacameioliveinEnglandwithherhuand---"thebestthingthat'severcometomethroughthepost?shesays.

3.HuandandWifefor￡45Eacb

AttractiveKayisexpectingherfirstbabyinafewmonths'time.ShesmiledhappilyatherhuandMikeasshetoldustheirstory."Iwokeuponmythirty-fifthbirthdaythinking,'Help.I'mturningintoarealoldspinsterschoolteacher.'Allmy.friendsseemedtobemarriedwithhomesandfamiliesoftheirown.ButwherewasI?Ilovemyjob-don'tgetmewrong.I'vehadaverysatisfyingcareer,butteachingotherpeople'schildrenisn'tthesameasbringingupyourown."She'llmakeawonderfulmother,"saidMike."Ican'tthinkwhyshewasn'tsnappedupyearsago.ButI'mgladshewasn't,orIwouldn'thavefoundher."

Howdidtheyfindeachother?"Well,"saidKay,"asayoungwomanI'dhadafewboyfriends,butneveranythingserious.ThenIrealizedIwasn'tevenmeetinganymen,notunmarriedonesanyway.SoItookadeepbreat6andwrotetoaMarriageBureau."Iiayhadtofillinaformandthenattendaninterview."Itwasverythorough,"shesaid."TheyreallywantedtomakesureIwasseriousaboutwantingtogetmarried,andtheytookalotoftroubletofindoutwhatkindofpersonIwasandthesortofmanIthoughtI'dliketomarry.IwastoldI'dbegiventhreeintroductionstosuitablemenforafeeof￡15.IfImarriedoneofthem,I'dhavetopayanother￡30.Thefirstintroductionwastoanotherteacher,whichshedidn'tthinkwasagoodidea,butthesecondwastoMike.

Miketookupthestory."IgotmarriedwhenIwasayoungmanof22,butmywifewaskilledayearlaterinacaraccident.Iwascompletelyshattered.Iputallmyenergiesintom.yworkandspentmanyyearsabroadwithmyfirm.ThenIcamebacktoEngland.toworkatHeadOfficeandrealizedhowemptymylifehadbecome.1didn'tjustwanttowork;Iwantedawifeandchildren.Ineededsomeonetomakemyhouseintoahome.Iwasn'tinterestedinyounggirls,buthowcowldIfindamature,lovingwomantosharemylife?Ithinkmysisterandbrother-in-lawmusthaveg,uessedhowIwasfeeling.Theyintroducedmetoacharmingoldercoupleoneevening.Afterthey'd.gonehomeIremarkedhowwell-suitedtheyseernedandmysistertoldmewhy--they'dmetthroughaMarriageBureau.`Youshouldgiveitatry,'shesaid.SoIdid."

Mikephonedabureautheverynextdayandwentforaninterviewthefollowingweek.Hewasgiventhreenames,includingKay's.Hewrotetoherfirstbecausehethoughtaschool-teacherwouldprobablylikech:ildren.Theirfirstdatewasadisaster."Weagreedtomeetforapicnicanditpouredwithrain,"hetoldus."Butwebothsawthefunnysideofit,andfromthenoneverythingwentright."Within'amontho#theirfirstmeetingheproposedandtheygotengaged.Theweddingtookplaceayearago."Speakingasabusinessman,"saidMike,"thisisthebestdealI'veevermade!"

4.DatingPattensintheUSA

InthetraditionaldatingpatternintheUnitedStates,muchoftheresponsibilityforadatefallstotheyoungman.Inthispattern,theyoungmanmustfirstcallfhegirlhewishestodateonthetelephone.Usually,thiscallismadequiteearlyinaweek.MostgirlsiwtraditionaldatingrelationshipsexpecttogetatelephonecallfromayoungmanbyWednesday.Mostdatingoccursonweekends.Manyyoung,peopledonothavetogetupearlyforschoolorworkonSaturdayandSundaymornings,soFridaynightsandSaturdaynightsarepopularnightsfordates.Theyoungmanmustaskthegirlforthedate,andsuggestsomethingsthattheymight.dotogether.Itisusuallyuptotheyoungmantopayforalloftheevening'sactivities.

Therearemanythingstodoondates.Manyyoungpeopleenjoygoingtosportsevents,suchasfootballandbaseballgames.Thesegamesmayoccuratahighschool,college,orinalargesportsinacity.Averypopularplaceforyoungpeopletogoondatesisthemovies.Almosteveryoneenjoysagoodmovie,andalmosteverytownhasatleastonemovietheater.Youngpeoplemayalsoenjoygoingtoanightcluborcoffeehouse.Here,theymaylistentomusicanddance,andperhapsmeetsomeoftheirfriends.TheseareafewofthethingsyoungpeopledoondatesintheUnitedStates.

InsomepartsoftheUnitedStates,traditionaldatingrelationshipsbeginwhenyoungpeopleareinhighschool.Inotherplaces,youngpeopledonotgooutincouplesuntiltheyareincollege,orintheirearlytwenties.Someyoungmenwouldrathergooutwithjustonegirlallofthetime.EverySaturdaynight,ayoungmanwillgooutwiththesamegirl.Manygirlsenjoythiskindofrelationshipalso.Itgivesboththeboyandthegirlachancetogettoknowoneanotherquitewell.Sometimes,thismayleadtomarriage.Otheryoungpeopleenjoydatingdifferentindividuals.Oneweektheymaygooutwithoneperson,thenextweekwithanother.Theygettoknowmanypeoplethisway,andmaynotwishtohaveaseriousrelationshipwithjustoneperson.

ManyyoungpeopleintheUnitedStates,especiallycollegestudents,donotgooutoneitherofthesetraditionaldates.Instead,theygooutongroupdates.Inthiskindofdatingpattern,smallgroupsofyoungpeoplegoouttogether.Allofthepeopleinthegroupareusuallyfriends,butsomeofthepeopleinthegroupmaynotknoweachother.Nooneyoungmaniswithanyparticulargirl.Theyarealltogether

aspartofthegroup.Thisisverydifferentfromthetraditionaldate.

Agroupdatediffersfromatraditionaldateinseveralways.First,therearenospecialrelationshipsinthegroup.Noparticulargirlandboyaretogetherallthetime.Second,thegroupdatemayoccuronaweekend,butitmaynotbeplannedinadvance.AgroupofyoungpeoplemaydecideonSaturdayafternoonthattheywanttospendSaturdayeveningtogether.Theymayalldecidetogotoamoviesortosomeotherevent.Onagroupdate,nooneispairedwithanyoneelse.Asaresult,everypersonpaysforhisorherownexpenses.Thismeansthatthegirlsmustpayforthemselves.Theymustpaytheirownadmissionforthemovies,foracupofcoffee,orforanythingelsethatcostsmoneyduringthedate.

Manyyoungpeoplefindthegroupdatetobeagreatdealoffun.Theyoungmenonagroupdateareundernopressure.Theydonothavetobewithanyparticulargirlduringtheevening.Theydonothavetopayforanyonebutthemselves.Theydonothavetobeespeciallypoliteorformalduringthedate.Everyonecanrelaxandhaveagoodtime.Groupdatesmayleadtoseriousrelationshipsforsomemembersofthegroup.Maybeagirlandboyonagroupdatefindthatt6eyhavealotincommonandenjoybeingtogether.Theymayspendmoretimetogether,withthegroup,andwitheachother.Butusually,everyoneonagroupdateisjustinterestedinagoodtime.Nooneworriesaboutaseriousrelationship.

Thegroupdatemaybegoodforveryyoungpeople.Theymaynotknowwhatkindofpersontheylike.Theymayliketospendtheirtimewithmanydifferentpeople.Butitalsodoesnotgiveyoungpeopleachancetohaveaseriousrelationsh:p.Aseriousrelationshipcanhelpayoungpersoninmanyways.Apersonmaylearnwhatisgoodandwhatisbadaboutaseriousrelationship.Usually,indating,youngpeoplefindoutwhatkindofpersontheywouldliketomarry.Ifayoungpersonalwaysgoesongroupdates,thereisnochancetofindout.Aswecansee,groupdateshavetheirgoodpointsandtheirdrawbacks.

Thegroupdateisverydifferentfromthetraditionaldate,don'tyouthink?YoungpeopleintheUnitedStatestodayenjoybothofthesetypesofrelationships.Traditionaldatingrelationshipsgiveyoungpeopleachancetogettoknowoneanotherquitewell.Groupdatesgiveyoungpeopleachancetogettoknowmanyotheryoungpeopleandtohaveamorerelaxedevening.Bothkindsofdateshavetheirgoodpoints.Thegroupdateisa.newideaamongyoungpeople.It.seemstobepopularforthereasonsdescribedhere.

5.CourtshipCustoms

Didyouknow

thatmostBritishcouplesfirstmeetatadance?

thatinsomepartsofAfrica.menpayfortheirwiveswithcows?

thatinGermanyyoucanadvertiseforapartnerontelevision?

thatinBritaingirlscanproposeinLeapYear(1976,I980andeveryfourthyearfollowing)?

thatintheUSAboysandgirlsstartdatingveryyoung,asyoungas12?

6.Marriage:EastandWest

"Ibelieve,"saidDr.SamuelJohnsonintheeighteenfhcentury,"thatmarriageswouldingeneralbeashappy,andoftenmoreso,iftheywereallmadebytheLordChancel'lor,uponadueconsiderationofthecharactersandcircumstances,withoutthepartnershavinganychoiceinthematter."

Weareboundtoacknowledge,afteracarefulstudyofthemethodsofmateselectionintheEastandWest,thatthegreatDr.Johnsonwasprobablyright.

Fromoneextremetotheother,fourpatternsofmateselectionmaybe.

1.Selectionbytheparents-theyoungpeoplethemselvesnotconsulted.ThisisthetraditionalmethodemployedintheEast.Whenthechoiceiscarefullyandwiselymade,itisusuallyagoodone.Butitisopentothegraveerrorscausedbyignoranceandexploitation.

2.Selectionbytheparents,buttheyoungPeopleconsulted.Thisisanimprovementonthefirstmethod,providedtheyoungpeopleareallowedtomakethefinaldecision.Insomecommunities,thoughtheyareformallyconsulted,theyareexpectedtoacceptthechoicemadeforthem,andhavenorealfreedomtoexpresstheirminds.

3.Selectionbytheyoungpeople,butapprovdlnecessary.Thispatternexhibitsatleasttwoforms.Thestrictestistheoneinwhichnoactionmaybetakenbytheyoungpeopleuntiltheybavebeengivenparentalpermissioptoproceed.AgoodexampleistheearlyAmericanQuakerfatherintheeighteenthcentury,whowasapproachedbyaneighbour'ssonJohnaskinghispermissiontocourthisdaughterSarah.UnlessJohnwasapprovedbySazah'sfatherinthefirstplace,nofurther

stepcouldbetaken.ButevenifherfatherapprovedofJohn,Sarahstillhadtherighttorefusehim.

TheothervariationiswhereSarahcouldencourageJohn'sattentionswithoutseekingherfather'spermission;butifsheandJohnbecameserious,herfather'sapprovalwasessentialbeforemarriagecouldtakeplace.Ifheusedhisveto,shehadtogiveupJohn-orelope!

4.Selectionbytheyoungpeople-theparentsnotconsulted.ThisisthemethodwhichisbecomingwidespreadintheWesttoday.Thecouplemaybelivingawayfromhome,andunabletoconsulttheirparents.Butevenwhentheparentsareformallyconsulted,alltoooftentheiragreementisaformality.Theyknowthat,eveniftheyraiseobjections,themarriageislikelytotakeplaceanyway.

Whichofthesemethodsismostdesirable?

Wewouldrejectthefirst.Evenifitisefficient,webelieveitdeniestoyoungpeopleafreedomthatshouldbetheirsbyright.ThisisthepositionbeingwidelyadoptedintheEasttoday.

Wewouldalsorejectthelast.Youngpeopleshouldnotbedominated

bytheirparentsinthismatter.Butneithershouldtheirparentsbeleftoutofthepicture.Theexperienceofparentscanoftencorrectandrestraintheheadstronganddistortedchoicesofinexperiencedyouth.ThekindoffreedomyoungpeopleintheWesttodayaredemandingis,andintheirownbestinterests.

Thedesirableideal,webelieve,isacooperativeselectionbyyoungpeopleandparentstogether.Thismaynotalwaysbeeasilyachieved.Butitisworththeeffortthatmaybeneeded.Itcreatesinihefamily.Itbalancesouttheintensefeelingsofyouthagainstthedetachedjudgementofmorematureexperience.Itoffers,webelieve,thebestbasisforsuccessfulmarriages-especiallyifbackedbyscientificknowledgeaccumulatedbystudyandresearch.

Atthepresenttime,theEast.ismovingtowardstheidealofcooperationbetweenparentsandyoungpeople.ButtheWestismovingfurtherawayfromit,asyoungpeopleincreasinglyignoretheirparents'opinions.However,thereissomecompensationinthefactthattheresultsofstudy:andresearchconcerningtheofgoodmateselectionarebeingmadeavailableincreasinglytoWesternyouth.

7.Marry-forWhat?

I'mafraiditisinthenatureofanagonyaunt'sjobthatsheismoreconcernedwithfailuresthanwithtriumphs.Nevertheless,thesepastyears,I'vealsonoticedsomethingofthepatternthatleadstosuccessinmarriedlife.

I'veseen,forinstance,thatmakingamarriageworkbeginslongbeforemakingamarriage.Itbeginswithagirlwhothinkslessaboutmarriagethangirlshavetraditionallydone,andmoreaboutherselfinrelationshiptoworkandtohercommunity.Theveryfirsttricktoahappymarriageistobecomeapersonofindependenceandpridewhodoesnotimagineahuandisnecessarytomakehermagicallycomplete.

WheneverIgetaletterfromawomanwhosaysshe"cannotlivewithout"themanwhoisbreakingher'heart,Iamcompelledtotellherthatsuccessfularenotbetweenthosewhocannotlivewithouteachother,butbet.weenthosewhocanlivewitheachother.Thereisnoroomeveninforthestupidideathatthereisonearthonlyonemateintendedforanother.

TomysurpriseIhavefoundthisantiquemisconceptionisstillaliveanditcreatesalazythathascausedmorethanonemarriagetofail.Howcananyonewhobelievesherunionwas"meanttobe",notequallybelieveitwas"notmeanttobe"atthefirstsignoftrouble?Whetherornotamarriagewas"meanttobe"isbesidethepoint;itisandthereforeitrequirespatienceandprotection.

Passionisgreatoutsidemarriage,butnotsohotinsideit.Sowhydowemarry?Forlove?Ohyes.Friendship?Certainly.Children?Whynot?Money?Dodgy.Fun?Never.

Formostyoungpeople-andalotofolderones-marriageisthefirstadultcommitment,andifitistosucceeditmustbeundertakeninanadultway.Itisn'tabadideaforengagedcouplestowriteoutthesortofcontractanyotherworkingwoulddemand,howmanychildrentheywanttohaveandwhen,wheretheywilllive,howtheywilldividehouseholdduties,whichin-lawsmightbecomeliabilitiesandwhattodoaboutth.em,howmuchmoneywillbecomingin,aswellashowitwillgoout.

Idon'tpretendanycouplewouldbysuchacontract,butsimplyindrawingituptheywouldfindoutagreatdealabouteachother'sunromanticexpectations,forthese-notsexororlove-aretlnerealmarriagewreckers.Itisalarming,forinstance,howmanywomenraceintoalifelongcontractwithamanwhoseincomeandearningpowertheydonotknow.DotheystillexpectDaddytofindoutforthem?

Ofcourse,thereisonlyonewaytotreatanyprobleminsidemarriage,sexualorotherwise,anditisthewaytotreatalltheotherproblems:talktoeachother.

Buthowmanytimeshasawomanwrittentome--acompletestranger-ofadeepthatshecouldnottellherhuand,orthatshefailedeventocatchhisattention?Theremustarriveaneglymomcnibetweeneveryhuandandwife-maybeit'saquarreloradisappoinrmentorahurt-andifthatmomentdropswithoutdiscussionandsinksintobroodingor,thenitwillbetheseedthatcomesintheendtobearbitterfruit.

Admittedly,itislargelywomenwhowritetomeandIdoseemarriagefromawoman'spointofview.Butinthisfreezingofcommunication,Ithinkitisoftenmenwhoaretheculprits.Menmusttalkabouttheirfeelingsandmenmustrespectthevalidityofwomen'sfeelings,ortheirmarriagesbecomejustawayofgettingtheirshirtsironed.

"Whenagonyauntslikemetalkabout"workingatamarriage",listeningiswhatwemean.Listeningishardwork,especiallywhenitistosomethingwewouldrathernothear.Thereisnosuchthingasamarriageofconvenience.Marriageisa,alliance,butit.istheonlywaywehaveofmakingfamiliesandthereforeanyonewhoundertakesithasaresponsibilitytoit.Partofthewife'sresponsibilityisnever,nevertoexpectmorefrom"us"Chansheexpectsfromherself.